LPC 8 Medley
(Ring, LPC exhales) (Man answers with name of business, perhaps “Tabbouleh”?) Can I help you? What can I do for you? Can you do an ebullient flavor for my tastes? I might be able to. I am here to greet you. Great. I am here to greet your flavors, that you… Okay, what flavor? The flavors which I seek. Ahhh. Okay. Great. Ebullience. Ebullience? Elegance. Elegance? Okay, so what the hell you calling about? I am not knowing what you mean, when you say these things. You, you called me, I didn’t call you. The different things you say to me? What do you need? Why are you calling me? What the hell you calling about? I’m gonna hang up, I’m busy at work -- (RING) (Man answers and says name of business, but I can't understand it, 'Toys Roy' maybe?). Hello? Hi there. Hi, I need to return a neon gladiator. You need to return a what? Like a day-glo gladiator. A day-glo...gladiator? I'm afraid I need my cash back, uh...compadre. So. (Laughs) Ok, I'll get your cash back as soon as I can. Ok, good. (unintelligible)...you can send a question to our email address, questions at (name of business) dot com. You know what, you're right, you could send a PayPal to my email address right now. Yeah. And just do it that way. Yeah, what's your email address, that's a good idea. Ok. Ok, what is it? Hot Headed Gladiator... (Laughs) At Hot Meal... (Laughs) Dot Comma. (Laughs) Brilliant. Ok, well thank you for calling (laughs). I need about two to three hundred dollars, so... Ok, we'll do our best with that (laughs). Ok, bye. - (LPC effects) Oooooh… Hello? (Effects continue) Hi, what, what time do you open tomorrow? I asked you already to please stop calling us. Stop calling us. (SFX) What time (Lots of echo) If you’d just (unintelligible) I’d like to know what time you open. (Echo) Stop calling me! Answer my question. (SFX) Hey. What time are you open ‘till tomorrow? Listen to me, you need to stop fuckin’ calling me. Stop calling me. I just want to know the hours. Stop calling me. (LPC effects) I’m telling you right now, stop calling me. Is this a business? Stop fuckin’ calling me! What’s the hours tomorrow? (Sigh with many effects). - (LPC effects) Hello? Hey. What’s going on. What’s going on? Right. Well? That depends on who’s askin’. This is Camelot Services. Camelot Service? Yes, sir. Never heard of ‘em. And we provide, uh, transportation and entertainment on Cinco de Mayo. (SFX) And we’re gonna be picking you up about 10 o’clock tomorrow morning. How does that sound? No, you’re not either. (LPC SFX) Yes, we will be. You, you, you must have the wrong people, ‘cause we’re not going anywhere. We’re gonna pick you up, we’re gonna drop you off. I, I, I’m not interested in doing that. We’ve got other things to do. So tell me what’s your, uh, how much you weigh? Hello? Hello. (SFX) Can you tell me, uh, how much you weigh approximately? - (Ring) Yes? I wanted to get some shoes. I don’t know, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I wanted some special new shoes for Cinco de Mayo, dude. Well, we don’t carry it. How do you know? Because, I’m the owner of the business. (SFX) Well, do you have anything in my size? Ummm, I don’t know. I can, I can barely hear you. Call back when your, you take me off speaker. I’m not on a speaker. Well, it sounds like you are. Well it sounds like you don’t know a thing about shoes. How does that grab ya? Alright, so don’t, don’t call here again. I got more money than I know what to do with. Thank you. I wear a twelve and a half. So what? I don’t care what you wear. And I’m looking for a sale. Well I don’t got no sale here. (SFX) It’s twelve and a half, or thirteen, or thirteen and a half. Hello? YES! What do you want from us? (SFX) What’s, what’s, what time are you open? Well, I’ll be here until 6:30. (SFX) I’ll be there in about 5 minutes. Well that’s fine, come on in. I’ll come on in. I can barely, I can barely hear you and understand you. I got 400 dollars, to spend. Okay, so come on in to the shop. Do you understand me? Well, you just come to the shop, then. I’m gonna (SFX) spend money up and down in there. Alright, come on in. (SFX) You’re gonna shine my shoes, man. Alright, that’s fine, come on in. You can sh, spit shine ‘em, right now. Nah, you can do that for me. You don’t know how to do it? No, we don’t do that here. I’ll spit right on ya. (SFX) Yeah, sure. Sure punk I’m gonna come in there, and I’m gonna take… Yeah, you’re not gonna come in anywhere. I’m gonna take my shoes off, and throw ‘em, throw ‘em up and down. Well it doesn’t matter. Me and you will ffuhhm, meet out in the parking lot. Yeah, sure, come on, try your luck. Luck’s not necessary, pal. (SFX) Alright, fella (unintelligible over LPX SFX), don’t call here no more. (SFX) So how, how late are you open, bud? Don’t worry about it (unintelligible over LPX SFX)...where we’re located. (SFX) How late are you open? How much do ya weigh? ‘Cause I don’t want to mess around with any big people. It might hurt. Yeah, don’t worry about it, I’m a little guy. It might hurt me, you know? No, I don’t hurt anybody. Okay. ‘Cause when I come in, I’m gonna take my shoes off, I’m gonna put my feet up, and I’m gonna push yooouuuuu around. (SFX). You got me straight? - Hello? Hey. (Unintelligible) What size? Huh?!? What size shoes? (Unintelligible) I Nee Nu Na Nu. I’m gonna… Yeah, come on, he’s bigger than me. I’m going to take off my shoes and throw them at you. That’s good, that’s good. Are you, uh, uh, are you ejaculating? I am going to take my shoe off of you (SFX) and put it on myself. (SFX) Wow, wow! And I’m going to take your shoes, punk. - (Ring) (Unintelligible) Can I help you? Hi, can I pick up food? Hello? Hi. Hello? Shut up. Hello? Shut up. Hello? Shut up. Hello? I fool you. Hello? I can’t hear you. Hello? I fool you. Hello? I fool you. (SFX) Hello? I fool you (Fool you, fool you). Yeah? Yeah? I fool you (SFX) Yeah? Hello? I fool you. Hello? I fool you (SFX). Hello? (Unintelligible). I foo foo you. - (Ring) Wax Trax, can I help you? Yeah, I need a CDR. A wha, wha, what was it? A CD? I need a CDR (with sfx “CDR, CDR”). We don’t...we don’t carry those. We don’t (SFX “CDR”), where? Do I go? (With SFX “We don’t”). Uhhhh. (With SFX) Wheeerrree, do I go? Ummmm. CDR! I’m not shh...I’m not, I, I don’t… CDR (with SFX). OHHHHHH! Struck out! Office Depot, try Office Depot. (With SFX) Struck out! I struck out! How much do they cost? (with SFX “I struck out, how much do they cost?”). Just call Office Depot. What’s their number, do you know? I...don’t have it. What do you guys do over here? We sell CDs and…we sell vinyl. Well, sell me a CD. A, A CDR? Well sell me a CD then. What CD would y...CD would you like? CD ROM! (with SFX “CD ROM!”) We don’t, we don’t carry those. CD RAM? Or ROM? (with SFX echo) Did, did you want something that you could burn, a CD, is that what you want? Burn a CD ROM! I, I’m not understanding what you want. Like a rewritable CDR. Try Office Depot. Where are they? (with SFX “Office Depot”). They’re at Pearl and Colfax. (Hang up sound) (End of track)